


seventh year blues

by tossedwaves



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Firewhiskey (Harry Potter), M/M, dumbasses being dumbasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tossedwaves/pseuds/tossedwaves
Summary: James can’t wait to graduate and become a “real adult.” He knows things are gong to be easy. Sirius isn’t so certain.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12
Collections: Mistletoe Exchange 2020





	seventh year blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [static_abyss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/static_abyss/gifts).



“I can’t wait for this year to end. It’ll be sad to leave Hogwarts, but it’ll be so nice to not have to do stupid assignments. We’ll be on our own! Right, Padfoot?”

Sirius put down his bottle of firewhiskey with a clink. He had been avoiding thinking about graduation for a reason.

“Yeah, things’ll be great.” His smile felt pasted across his face. 

He saw James giving him a worried look out of the corner of his eye, but Sirius ignored it. Things would be fine. “We just have to take advantage of the rest of this year. You reckon we’ll finally prank McGonagall?”

James was completely distracted. “We will, if it’s the last thing we do!” He laid out a startlingly complex plan that involved breaking into her office with the use of many evasive maneuvers, climbing out the window, and a racing broom. He chose to illustrate the whole thing with his bottle of firewhiskey. Sirius couldn’t look away.

Across from the couch James and Sirius were sitting on, Peter and Remus looked at them with different expressions.

“Don’t you think you should focus more on studying for NEWTS?” Remus asked. 

Sirius laughed. “Eh, that rubbish? Who needs to study for those? We learned all that stuff _years_ ago.” 

Remus frowned at him. “The exams are supposed to be extremely difficult. I know Peter and I are going to be studying months in advance. You and James really should too.”

James snorted. The two of them had never bothered to study a day in their life, and they wouldn’t stop now. Remus just couldn’t get over that they got better grades than him. 

Peter hadn’t stopped looking at James with a worried expression. Sirius figured it was just him worrying about grades again, but it turned out he was actually worried about post-graduation.

“But, what are we going to _do?_ I have no idea what kind of job I’ll be able to find.” Peter looked at James for reassurance. “Will we even still be friends after?”

Remus paled, but James wasn’t daunted for an instant. “Of course we are! We’ll be best friends forever.” He laid an arm over the couch where Sirius was sitting. “And who cares what kind of job we’ll get? We’ll be adults on our own! Let’s cheers, to us getting out of this dump!” He motioned to the richly furnished common room.

Lily Evans must have heard James grandstanding, as she walked over to where they were all sitting around the case of firewhiskey. “What’s all this? Ooh, firewhiskey. Mind if I nab one?”

James motioned for her to take a seat. “It’s all yours. We’re toasting to our upcoming graduation.” He raised his glass. 

Lily immediately followed. “I’ll cheers to that. I can’t wait for Slughorn to stop shoving potions internships at me.” She winced. “I appreciate the effort, but I’m really not interested.”

James laughed. “I’ll drink to that. To freedom from annoying professors!”

Peter and Remus hesitantly raised their glasses, evidently not nearly as confident. Sirius was last.

After they clinked their glasses together, Sirius chugged the rest of his bottle and immediately grabbed another one.

It was easy for James to be so confident. He had loving parents who would support him, and hadn’t worked a day in his life. Of course, Sirius hadn’t either, but he couldn’t rely on the Potters’ generosity forever. 

He would need to find a job, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. Sirius had never been the best at sustained effort. Academics had never been an issue for him, but he figured that a job would have a stricter attendance policy. And who knew what strings his dear family would pull to keep him out of work? At least he had never wanted to go work for the Ministry.

And James—

Would James even want to spend so much time with him anymore, once he met other people? He had always been the social one, of the two of them. Without Hogwarts keeping them together, would he decide his time would be better spent with someone else?

Lily clearly liked James now. Sirius figured it was just a matter of time before they got together. And where would that leave Sirius?

He couldn’t compete with a witch like Lily.

Sirius didn’t even know what was wrong. He couldn’t put the feeling into words, but it kept eating away at him.

Before he knew it, they had finished the last of the firewhiskey. Remus and Peter broke off to go to bed, and Lily went over to talk to some of her other friends. It was just James and Sirius left.

“You’ve been a bit quiet, Sirius. Is everything okay?” James looked at him with such concern. 

Sirius had hoped this wouldn’t come up. He didn’t want to have to share _more_ of his insecurities with James. He had heard enough of them already. But Sirius supposed that burying his face in a succession of bottles hadn’t been as discreet as he’d wished. 

And now James looked even more concerned. Blast it.

“You seem really upset. Was it me talking about graduating?”

Sirius said nothing.

“What’s there to worry about, Sirius? We’re going to find the _best_ apartment together and have so much fun. I thought you’d be thrilled to get away from the school’s stupid rules.”

His heart flipped in his chest. “You want to get an apartment together?”

James laughed. “What, you’d rather we stayed with my Mum and Dad? They’re awesome, but I figured we’d have more fun on our own.”

“I just…thought you might get tired of living with me. What with Evans and all…” Sirius forced a laugh.

James’s face dropped in complete surprise. _”What?_ Bloody hell, mate, where’d you get that idea? Of course I want to live with you, everyone else is too boring.”

Sirius smirked. “Of course they are. Who could compete with _me?”_ But his smile dropped. “It just—looked like you might get together with Evans, that’s all. You’ve been getting along so well recently. I just figured you’d might want to move in with her.” _And leave me behind._

James raked a hand through his hair. “I just…I dunno. I’ve liked her for so long that I can’t actually imagine being with her. She’s an awesome person, but I think we might be better as friends.” He laughed. “Also, I kept blowing her off today. She was asking me questions, but I couldn’t concentrate on them because I was worried about _you._ I doubt she wants to date me now.”

Sirius blinked. Had he just…was he imagining this? He pinched himself to make sure that he hadn’t passed out in a drunken stupor. Could this really be happening?

“You…really don’t want to get with Evans?” He spoke slowly, still in shock.

“Nope.” James laughed. “I think you and I would have a lot more fun living together, anyway.”

A strange warm feeling enveloped Sirius’s chest. After all those months worrying…

“You bet we are. We’re going to have the best apartment anyone’s ever seen. 

“Peter and Remus are going to be so jealous.” James looked at him again with those strangely piercing hazel eyes. “Are you sure that’s all? It feels like something more is going on here.”

“No, everything is fine!” But he could never manage to lie to James. “…are you sure you’re not going to get tired of me—living with me?”

James blinked. “Sirius, I could _never._ Who else would I want to live with? Everyone else is so boring. I’m sure I’d never get bored of living with you for as long as I live.” He didn’t even seem embarrassed at his sincerity. “I love you, mate. You’re my best friend.”

Sirius’s heart, which had slowly risen up to his throat, plunged at those last few words. And to think he had imagined…

James must have seen the look on his face, though. “And, uh, Sirius.” He raked both hands through his hair. “I, uh, dunno if you want to hear this. But I think I like you more than Evans.”

Sirius could only sit there in shock.

James’s face fell. “Don’t worry, I didn’t expect you to feel the same.” He pulled his arm from where it had been resting behind Sirius. “I just wanted you to know. I promise we can still stay mates.”

“You _dumbass!_ Of course I feel the same! I was so sad because I thought you were about to get together with Lily!” Sirius laughed. He couldn’t remember ever being this happy.

James’s answering smile felt like a promise.


End file.
